Frequently asked questions

FAQ´s - Frequently asked questions

You are very welcome to write to us with your questions about swinging, when you write please tell us if you want a personal reply or for us to publish your question and answer on this page. Please write to us at [email protected] we will post your question and our response as quickly as we can.

We are new to the scene, Please can you put us in contact with a couple who will look after us.

Sorry, but this is not something we can do. We are not a full time match-maker, but webmasters and party hosts. There are also too many variables for us to try and decide which of our acquaintances may be interested in you. We may think you are great, recommend you to someone who thinks you are not and jeopardize our friendship.

Swinging is like everything else in life, you need to work on creating your own relationships.

Start by creating a profile on a reputable swingers site, and contact other swingers through that site.

I am a single Male. I have met 2 couples but on both occasions I found I could not perform as well as when I pick up a girl. I really like the girl from one of the couples, how can I get her to come and play with me on her own?

Oh dear!. Sorry to hear about your performance problem, its not un-common for guys to have this problem. When we meet a guy who has problems on the night, I will often leave my partner and him alone for a while, until he regains his confidence. However, not all couples are happy to do this, as for them the fun is often for the girl to be active with the visiting male, and for the male partner to watch or join in the fun.

Remember that the couple are being generous allowing you into their relationship. If you cannot perform don't worry, they will be disappointed, but often give you time to try again.

If all else fails, try some of the little blue pills for men. As long as you are turned on by the girl, you will then get an erection, and almost certainly be able to perform like a porn star.

Do not try to persuade the female half of a couple to meet you on her own, unless they have already hinted at the possibility you could upset them and lose them as playmates.

I am a married woman who is desperate to get back into the swinging scene. I used to visit swingers clubs for sexual release when I was single, but gave them up when I met and married my husband. He is a lovely man, but after 4 years of marriage, the sparkle has gone out of our sex, and I am lucky if I get serviced once a week. I have tried expressing my fantasies, which turn him on, but he will not consider either making them come true in private or by visiting a club. How can I persuade him to join me at a club, or to meet someone to spice up our sex life.

Oh what a common lament. In over 30 years of swinging we have heard this complaint hundreds of times from both ladies and men. Against popular myth, it is more often women than men who are looking for ways to enliven their relationship. This is probably down to the men being lazier and taking the easy way out and cheat, whereas the woman tries to find ways of resolving the problem within the relationship.

It sounds like you have worked hard to get your man to consider ways of livening things up, but either he is satisfied with things the way they are, or he is afraid of losing you if he does agree to having some adult fun. He may be feeling hurt that you have raised the topic, and his delicate male ego may be bruised by you causing him to think that he is no longer man enough for you.

All we can suggest is to continue talking to him, show him some swingers web sites, and tackle the subject outside the bedroom so he cannot roll over and go to sleep. Maybe create a couples profile and make contact with some people, and then show him that people would be interested in meeting you both.

What if my friends or someone in my family finds out I am a swinger? I think I would die of shame.

The only way they are going to find out is if you let them know, or if they find you on a swingers website, or if they meet you in a swingers club

We have seen all 3 of the above happen:


  • Most parents accept whatever their children want to do, unless they are ultra religious. Even then, many of the people in the scene will attend a party on the Saturday night, then go to church on Sunday morning. We cannot tell you what to do here, as every family dynamic is different.
  • Our lifestyle is known to all our friends and families, some reacted with shock and horror, others accepted it and carried on as if nothing had changed, others try and pretend they do not know and try to treat us the same as they did before.
  • Jo told her mum about 3 months after she got into the scene, she was not at all surprised and acted as if it was normal. It was not until 7 years later we found out that she, her sister and their partners all used to swing in the past. We actually got told off for not telling them sooner!
  • We have found over the years that many people in the swinging scene now, have parents that are or were also in the scene! David always claims that swinging is hereditary.

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  • One of the couples who attend our parties on a regular basis was very surprised to find the couple from the apartment across the hall at the party as well. It turned out that they were using the same website to look for friends and they had recognized their neighbors and decided to come along to the party and let them know. They became even closer friends than they were before.

Met in a Club

  • We have seen this happen twice. Once in a dressing room for the club Swing4Two in the Netherlands and the other at one of our parties.
  • In the Netherlands we were in the changing room when two couples were shocked to meet up with each other. They were good friends at home, but neither couple knew the others were swingers.
  • Here at one of our parties in Spain we heard screams coming from the kitchen and rushed there thinking there must be a problem. It turned out that it was 2 sisters screeching with shock and amusement that they and their husbands were all swingers, and none of them knew about the other couple.

We have not met anyone yet who has been ostracized by their family for being swingers, David lost a job and a few friends in the UK when they found out what he did, these days his job would have been protected by the new laws which would have protected his human rights, but if people are so narrow minded that they cannot accept another persons lifestyle then he felt he was better off without them as friends.